Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

Take in and pass along these dozen tips for being a better drinker Melbourne Function Venue

We need to find equipoise when it comes to drinking. Our brain is the tool of choice. If we can think right, we can drink right. And so this is a spirit guide to spirits. If it sometimes sounds like no fun, hey, deal with it, my brother. Friends don’t let friends do alcohol wrong. But just swirl these drinking rules around in your head, like brandy in a snifter, and they may help you safely glean all the gusto from your glass. Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

RULE No. 1: Be the Master of Your Own Drink — Function Venue Melbourne

Even if you’re the boss of nothing else, when it comes to your intoxicants, you’re Don Corleone. Choose a few favorites with intention. Adopt a house brand of beer—or even two, a summer ale and a go-to winter brew. Pick a house red and a house white. You can like their taste or dig their label, but the fact is this: A man has preferences, and you should claim yours.

And go beyond house brands to a house cocktail. Any signature cocktail, especially one your friends have never heard of (that barkeep in Borneo is a good source, and maybe even a good story) marks you as a man who makes choices, which in turn says you might just be the author of your life. And FYI, chicks dig guys who write the script. (For more sage wisdom for all of life’s nagging problems, follow Jimmy the Bartender on Twitter.) Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

While you shouldn’t be shy about what you like, do not under any circumstances flirt with finicky. Real men are discerning, but they’re not disabled if things are not just so. One sign that you’re too fine-tuned: You write more checks to wine clubs than to local charities.

RULE No. 2: Listen to Your Liquor– Function Venue Melbourne

She’s right, you know. You need to pay closer attention to things. Apparently we men miss a thousand small daily elations that members of the other sex are being enriched and calmed by every time they inhale. Of course, it was precisely that male reluctance to stop and smell the roses that got us over the Rockies and all the way to the other shining sea. But even so, we could savor a bit more and still be the get-it-done guys on whom the women and children have come to depend. Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

Happily, drinking is a springboard for mindfulness. If you’re going to taste those notes of chocolate and plum in that Napa cab, or the blend of barley and battle in an Irish malt, then you have to let the nectar linger on your tongue for a beat longer than it takes to merely drink it. Some deliberation, or even delectation, is required. And flavor is just the tip of the tippler’s duty. The colors—ambers and browns, deep burgundies and blushing pinks—invite the eye. The fragrances of wheat and corn and grape can widen our nostrils, commend us to the alert creatures we might be. Even the sounds of drinking—the elegant chatter of ice in a rocks glass, the promising boop of the cork on a bourbon popping free—somehow invite us to be keener, more finely tuned.

With luck, our cocktail focus might slosh over into the rest of our lives. Who knows? If we can taste the juniper in the gin, if we’re charmed by the purple of a pinot noir, maybe we’ll also learn to notice other practical stuff that might actually give us an edge over the other guy. Maybe we’ll notice that microtrend that could make us crazy rich or (even better) that come-hither in her glance. And maybe if we can learn to hear—really hear—the wind sifting through the trees, our blood pressure will settle into a systolic sweet spot. Amazing, isn’t it? All those blessings simply from smoothing down a sunset beer? Turns out drinking is a secret to both serenity and success.

RULE No. 3: Drink Only Enough to Do the Job– Function Venue Melbourne

The question of why we drink is a thicket. But any man who’s ever pried open a pop top is hoping to summon a slightly better version of himself. We see alcohol as a lubricant, oiling up the gears, making us just a little looser, a little funnier, a little more charming, a little more at home. Not everybody drinks because they’re poets. Most guys drink because they’re not. Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

Here’s a handy moderation metaphor: Think of all the stuff inside your head—the plans, the memories, the fears, the passions, even that idea for a kitchen gizmo you’re sure will make you rich—as the parts of your engine. And think of a drink as oil. A drop or two helps your engine thrum. But too much oil and you don’t have the traction that work requires. Your gears aren’t grinding, but they’re also not engaged.

Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

RULE No. 4: See Others Through a Glass, Lightly– Function Venue Melbourne

Wherever three or more men are present together, a drink hovers on the horizon. We’ll raise a glass in honor of . . . just about anything: the sowing, the reaping, the full moon, the half moon, the sickle moon, the hibernation of the little brown bat and, just months later, little brown’s (hooray!) return. Alcohol helps us enjoy one another. In the words of the writer Don Marquis, we drink to make our friends more interesting. Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

When we crack open a bottle and start to pour, we’re dropping our guard, saying we trust you enough to slow our reflexes, to put down our dukes. A shared drink is a conspiracy, a hand extended in the hope that we’ll find common ground—either on a life-changing co-venture or just on the truth that the PGA should nix caddies, starting tomorrow. (Hey, athletes don’t bring butlers onto the pitch!) Alcohol opens the heart.

Sure, it does some dark things too. But for now let’s focus on that pasta extravaganza last fall, when our gang got sloppy with chianti and retold the old stories, or tried to, while helpless with laughter. Alcohol helps us savor both each other and the shining puzzle that is the world.

RULE No. 5: Let the Wine Go to Both of Your Heads– Function Venue Melbourne

You’ve just won a Tony for best new play, and you and Emma Stone—she handed you the trophy—are together in Union Square. It’s 2 a.m. Hershoes and your award sit between you on the park bench, and she has both a bottle of Cristal and an interest in knowing more. Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I

She pops and palms the cork with panache, takes a swig, and passes you the bubbly. Thus begins the he-and-she pas de deux—hinting at maybe and who knows, and isn’t this just fun? Liquor, daintily done, sharpens the high spirits that want to become romance and sex. Not a playwright? This scenario is no less sweet if your Emma is named Amanda and the two of you are sharing memories, yakking and drinking—just barely, mind you—as you sit in the bleachers at the 15th reunion of St. Barnabas High. (For great drinks that won’t break the bank, check out these Wines for Under $15.)

RULE No. 6: If She’s Had Too Much, Let Her Go– Function Venue Melbourne

It has come to our attention that some men use alcohol as a woman weakener. Why bother with charm, style, and an I’ve-got-a-secret smile if you can render her unaware that you possess none of the above?

Hey, if a drink or two makes a woman feel frisky, amen. She’s a big girl, and we’re all for she-lust unleashed by a little liquor. But if she’s way more into you than she’d be if she weren’t sideways, a righteous man helps her into a cab, not into the sack. Come on! What’s next? Sosa? Steroids? Cork? Where’s your sporting spirit? It’s only a victory if it’s manfully earned.

Function Venue Melbourne The 12 Rules of Drinking Part I